Why don’t you build a bridge?

My 72 yr old nudist neighbor stopped by as i was filling a hole in my driveway.
Him:”Why don’t you use your road?”
Me:”Because it is washed out and impassable.”
Him:” why don’t you build a bridge?”
Me:”Not the top of my to do list.”
Did I suddenly flip on to an alternate planet or hold an engineering degree I didn’t know about? Seriously, why don’t I build a bridge.

Changes

When you move from a land of neon lights, sin city or what ever other metaphors for Las Vegas to the side of a mountain where the only thing that is 24/7 is the sound of birds, crickets the knowledge that there is a huge rattlesnake some place in that bush even if you can’t see it or hear it, Gila monsters, javalina, and deadly centipedes you realize not much has changed. That is except for the most awe inspiring night sky that heralds the universe with stars, breath taking views and kind people and of course your goal for black Friday.

For the first time ever I am off to shop on BLACK FRIDAY. The hardware store sent a coupon for 50%off any one thing under $30. I am about to climb into my truck, drive to town and buy an axe or hatchet, my first ever black Friday purchase. One needs to cut wood to stay warm.

At night I dream of a back hoe. Yes, life has changed.

Random Beauty

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Sometimes you just find bits of beauty hiding in the wood pile. Discarded yet still stunning.

Suicide Moth

photo-244I woke up this morning to find a gentle creature had committed suicide in a dish I was too lazy to wash last night and left to soak. It was senseless and I am sure not his choice. I feel some what responsible and will no longer leave water in a dish over night.

What it did bring to mind was another suicide. One done years ago by a man who fought addiction most of his life. We had a relationship which went the way those type go: in the steady direction of disaster. It began in love and blind, then desperate for his approval and told by all the counselors it was my fault, my responsibility as the normal one, to the break up stage and heart break, to hope and belief in the promises of being clean and never again. From there to anger and hope to anger again. Until the ultimate numbness and not caring, finally being over it. Two years later out of the blue he called as if nothing had happened, no time had passed. By this time it was too late, too much had happened and healing had actually occurred so I told him I did not wish to speak with him ever again. I did not know his body had been shutting down, he was losing control of functions, the drugs the dr. prescribed had voices talking to him. It was a few days later he put a gun into his mouth and ended his life. His best friend tried to blame me for not talking to him although they were living together and if anyone could see the signs it would have been him. I do not take responsibility for his death.

What I do is to feel grateful for those friends and family I love and who love me. With some relationships I have gotten to the numbing out point, tired of trying and hoping. To the others there is only joy, respect and love. As today is Thanksgiving, a holiday I do not really celebrate but the mood has overcome me and I am grateful for all the kind and wonderful people in my life.

Gnomes or Trolls

Gnomes or Trolls? Who do you think would sit down to a dinner of green pepper?

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Don’t Put The Fat Suit On

I have an amazing gifted friend who used to be fat. Should I be polite and say heavy or plump but with a beautiful face? No, I will say fat because that is the label hateful jealous people use. Over 2 years ago she lost through hard work and determination more than 100 pounds. She has kept it off.
Let me tell you a little about her. She sings like an angel. Opera, rock, popular music teaches voice and touches your heart. Her sound is healing. This of course was safe while she was fat.
Remember the story of the overweight secretary who lost weight? Everyone brought her biggest temptation, jelly doughnuts to fatten her up. She was getting too much attention at work and in her social life. They couldn’t handle it so instead of improving themselves they focused on destroying her.
So as the haters and doubters chip away protect your spirit. The essence of you shines brightly. Once called back the spirit is delicate. Protect it by loving and believing in yourself.
Back to my beautiful friend, she has just married and together with her musician husband has a CD coming out. She is embarking on her focus, her integrity is in tacked. Can we all say that? When the hateful jealous ones try to stuff us into a fat suit, that no longer fits, of insecurity, fear and doubt
don’t put it on.
Don’t wear what no longer fits. What no longer nor has ever been you. Hurt kills. Do not die in pain. To life!

Tired of being cold

It was a strong cold north wind that blew through out the day. The sun has gone down and the wood stove is burning and my salt lamp is on warming my feet….but…I am tired of being cold. I want to build a room of salt blocks, a sauna only the bench is a bed and I can sleep in the dry heat.

Tonight I am grumpy. My hair is so full of static that instead of resting on my back and touching my waist it flys about my ears. Should I be foolish enough to touch something with wool it stands out like cotton candy. Yes, I conditioned it. Yes, I moisturized and yes, there is water on top of the wood stove.

I prepared for this event or one like it and drove to town to buy the necessities. Nothing like a little bowl of pumpkin pie ice cream to warm you up and put the world to rights.

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