Facing my fear

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Image

Fear

Sometimes when I am drawing I get scared. It is time for serious contrast the really dark space that can’t be erased or repaired. That is where I am at now. Of Course I must complete the background but it is the darkness that scares me.

Graphite on Bristol board

Freedom

Abused battered and…

Freedom comes with a cost. Recognizing when one is being abused and how I have set up that pattern to allow it.  Taking responsibility for being abused is very painful and freeing. Freedom comes when I no longer allow it to happen. I acknowledge in my desperate desire to show someone love and hopefully they will return love I have become a lackluster torn rag of a doormat.

So the feelings of guilt and responsibility are released. The pain and sadness gone. The freedom to be who I am, to respect myself and to not care if they love or even like me. I am not saying it is easy especially when it is someone you have loved for a long time but non the less there comes a point in life or at least a time before death that it is essential to love oneself more than have another approve of me.

It is grand to step out into the open air and be able to breathe. To see the wind and the stars and to know that in the mist of all the vast universe it is perfectly fine to just be me. As silver chains burn a vampire abusive words and actions burned me. The chains lay helpless on the ground as I step out. I do not look back for comfort nor for sympathy. Freedom requires none of that only that I be uniquely me. And so I am happy, unbound and free.