Who would have thought that taking care of my self and my own needs would make some people think it was about them? I do not exist to be a pawn in your life but to be a player in mine. Lately I have been drawing a minimum of 3 hours a day. That is three hours that I do not answer the phone, watch tv or even eat. Sometimes it is five hours. This is something I need to be doing for myself. My self. That is it simple short and sweet. In the other hours I have moved boxes some mine some my son’s as he is taking over my apt. This behavior has nothing to do with anyone but me. Me.
See I have not mentioned you or another. I am excited and looking forward to seeing my grandchildren, daughter, her husband, my brother, his wife and friends in NYC, NC and maybe even a trip up to Maine to see the wild Atlantic and my cousin. I am sorry but none of this has anything to do with anyone but myself. There is no drama, no trauma, no bad feelings or..? What there is, is love and excitement about the future, where I am going and what I am about to do. So this is the one and only explanation you get and that is only because I do care and I am not into drama or negative words. But that is all. From now on it is about me. You see my reality is mine and I am doing what I need to do to keep my world solid, real and fun.
Yes, I do take time to write in this blog because it is also part of my world and the people who have become friends, visit or leave comments matter to me. What has been illuminated is that when I define my world and boundaries, needs and desires, it should not diminish anything but the world seems to not only resist change but often times fight against it. Not the world that is incorrect but often times people who have grown comfortable in their routine resist and fight against change. I saw it bring out anger almost rage in a person when something she loved participating in was changing from weekly to once a month. I know it came from a place of sadness and disappointment but the organizers did not do it to her they did it because they needed and desired the change in their world. Of course the organizers tried to explain why but there was no explanation that fit into her reality to satisfy her personal need or counter the disappointment.
So here is to change and to each and every individual living their own personal authentic life. You see the one thing I have learned is to love me and that the only thing I can truly be in Yotaki. Even if salted I suck at being the pretzel that makes you happy.